Daily Life

Life on a mission

2009-12-07T01:33:00.000-08:00

Sarawak, a place of great wonders and joy. As my team arrived at the first long house, Jelang, i was surprised at how large the house was. It was hard to imagine how such a large building was able to be constructed so deep in the jungle. Imagine all the work that was put in to construct it. The long house is separated into few sections and the space they share is called the ruai. That area is actually a the corridor but they use it like a community hall and a place to hang out. They served us lots of food and beverages there though they have to travel far distances to get their resources. They also have this interesting culture whereby they serve us continuously. Even before we are able to finish our food or drink, more is served. Every meal I had was filling and I was never really in hunger.

The people there are very nice especially the children. What seemed to be a face problem at the city, only meant a cheery, kind and loving face at the long house. The kids treated me like a friend though i only met them for 15 minutes. They hugged me and came close to me. There was this boy by the name of Andrew who was 11 who was just a joy he helped me communicate with the others and gave me information about the people. We were rather close. I heard that the speciality of that place was the tops they make and i was really eager to see one and even have one but they all said there isn't one and there are not many of the fruit that is used to make the top. I was a little disappointed but i thought it is ok even if i dont have one but as we exit the long house to travel to the next, i waved my hand at Andrew and to my surprise, he handed me a top that was freshly made. I was so touched throughout the journey at how nice he was. I dont think i have ever met a person in the city such as he.

The next long house we went to was called luing, they had better toilets there and the people were very nice too. The family that host me was so caring that i felt so bad as i can't provide anything for them. Before we went to bed, they laid out mattresses, pillows, and blankets for us. They offered their wash areas and soap and hangers and everything else. It made me feel like i was at home although i have never met them before. At night, the father was worried that we may want to go to the toilet or something at night so he took out a torch light for us and he also took out a jar of clean water for us. It is not the things they provide that touched me but the thought for us. they kept thinking of ways to make us feel homely. Which i guess none of us really do.

the last long house we went to was kerapa. This was the largest long house i think. it had 42 doors i think. As in 42 rooms in one long house. The government also sponsored their place with a solar project that once it is done, they will ave electricity the whole day. At that long house, i met a very nice boy too. he was cute and loving but what surprised me most was his brother. This boy was 14 but he looked like a little boy and i mean he look really young like 10 perhaps.

Anyway the whole post is boring but with every chance to go to Sarawak, I would go again and to those who hasn't got the chance hope you will someday.

2009-11-19T07:46:00.001-08:00

Beautiful song that I just thought off.. makes me wanna cry

AOP Graduation Day

2009-11-14T07:43:00.000-08:00

Wow no regrets... Had a really great day today. At start I had to attend the Sarawak Missions Trip meeting but i pleaded to be exempted from the meeting. My kind leader gave me permission to go and I was glad.

The day began with some fellowship and Video clips of photos. Then it went on to a moment of sermon. Then came the time everyone was waiting for, performances. To be honest, the cheras school was really great. I guess they really took the effort and time to rehearse it that they were so prepared. When the KK team went up, i was rather shock as i never knew that they are capable of performing so well. As everything end, teacher Ben treated us to Yong Tau Fu and guess what, the owner was my former neighbour.

After that we went to summit as midvalley was really jam. Planned to watch 2012 but tickets were almost impossible to get as our group was to big. There were 10 of and so it was hard to get tickets for all of us at the same hall. Finally we decided to split up. 6 watch 2012 and 4 watch ninja. However, most of us decided not to watch as it will end late and we were all exhausted after the day. So our mission was to sell all those tickets out. Aaron was so confident to sell it a higher price but later on i guess he realised it is not right and so we sold it out at cost price. We had two couples sit and another two odd sits. The couples sitting were easily sold but the odd sits was tough but finally T. Mag met a nice malay man that bought the ticket from us. Phew what a day.

School

2009-11-13T06:23:00.000-08:00

No offence but school can be quite heart-breaking nowadays. One mistake made things quite difficult. If only i hadn't make that mistake. I guess in life we tend to make mistakes. However, some mistakes can be fixed but it doesn't change certain things. I am starting to miss the old days before the complications began. Sorry to those of you who are new. I like you guys but i just hope that i will forget those complicated days but it is hard as there are still remaining things that disrupts my emotions.

I no longer have anger but the memories of the past comes back to haunt me and I feel really disturbed at times. Currently my goal is to finish up my exam and do well and then start a whole new life. This school was great and is great but there are things that i dont want to be part of my life and its hard to remove. Of all places i never thought that homeschooling will be the starting point of complication. Who knew?

I really regret starting something that I say I will never do.To all those out there who are planning or wishing to start a relationship, don't start it too young and my reasons are:

1) you are young and barely have the chance to spend time with each other. Even if you are free, you can't drive nor do you have money

2) you might not be mature enough to make decisions. In fact, you may make a wrong decision that may ruin your life.

3) if you are serious about the relationship, it will be too long to date and it is hard and it may even cause you to reconsider if you may marry the person. I think that marriage is sometimes more of a commitment. ( this may be wrong i am not sure)

4) life at this stage may be unstable. You may be migrating to other countries and far distance relationship is not too good. You may also shift from school to school and therefore restrict the both of you from seeing each other.

5)Takes most of your time away from your family which i think is not a good idea at this age, a strong bond with the family is very important so in the future it may be much easier. Btw getting close to your family is a teamwork. You can't expect a good relationship if only one party is trying.

6)Some partners are inconsiderate as they are still immature. They may be demanding.

7)When you know the relationship would no longer work, it is hard to say it is over as one party will surely be hurt.

8) If you are dating someone from the same school, all you wish for is to move out from school as soon as possible to forget those memories and start a whole new life. Studying may be difficult.

9) most of the time relationships at this age does not work and most feelings are falsely created by friends and some are based on peer pressure.

10) at this age we may not be mature enough to handle disputes and arguments. Surely it has to start somewhere but hopefully it will be at the time when you are more mature and you are more careful with the things you say.

There are plenty more reasons why and well i am not stopping you but i am discouraging you. When you come upon a situation as this, think twice. Dont rush into things. You may regret but i have to agree that the experience gained is really great but be careful.

When i was young i have always set my mind and told myself firmly about the things that i will never do but i still make the mistakes. I go against my own principles and i feel like i betrayed myself.

p.s. whenever things dont work out. dont blame anyone. its no ones fault. just a mistake.

The Value of Helping the Ones in Need

2009-11-09T07:40:00.000-08:00

As we were attending our regular english lessons, our dear teacher brought up the topic of looking after someone. He questioned appointed a few to present a short speech of how they have helped look after family members. Some spoke of the times they looked after a child, some about their aged grandparents and some about their parents with illnesses.

The experiences shared by each individual were very intriguing and as an inquisitive person, i asked and asked all sorts of questions. All their stories were different but one thing remained unchanged. They all did it as a favour. Perhaps one or two did it as a sign of love and care but others just did what they had to. They were tied up with the responsibility and had nowhere to run away from it.

However, I believe that there is something in it for you as you help out. When my grandma use to live with my family, she made me do lots of things which I thought was unreasonable. There was a time when her radio broke down and she waked me up from my afternoon sleep to wake my brother up to fix it. Trying to be obedient, i went up and called my brother. He was feeling tired too and refused to get up to help her. I was stranded in between two people and I felt like I had to satisfy both parties but I was feeling agitated and i went to my grandma and tried to repair the radio but she thought that I didnt call my brother up and she asked me to go. I wasn't fluent with my Hokkien so i had difficulty telling her that he was tired and I was so frustrated and didnt know what to do. Picture the feeling I was having not able to help people as they dont want it from you. Anyway I could not recall what happened in the end but whenever i complained to my dad about it, he will tell me one thing ," its a blessing to be able to help someone". When he told me that I thought it was just a statement to make me feel better but as I matured, i realized some truth in it. It really is a blessing to be able to help.
A simple lesson that I learned from this little experience is how to remain clam when in situations such as this.

In every event, there is something to learn. Instead of wasting your time thinking about how horrible a person is, or how worked you are due to that problem, try recalling what you can learn and what you can do to prevent such situations.

Apart from all that people tend to be appreciative towards the things you do for them and they will remember you better. Some day when they are in heaven the will give a good record of you ( not that God doesnt know). Though there are some who may forget and dont see the things you do for them but it is not important what matters most is that God has seen what you have done and is proud of you for that.

Every opportunity you have to help someone, no matter how trying the problem may be, we should put the effort to try and help out and with some love to add some spice to the good deed. Both parties will benefit from a situation such as this.

Peace and Love

Why mood swings??

2009-10-30T05:21:00.000-07:00

WHy do we humans have mood swings... We can try so hard to be happy but sometimes you just can't.. Especially when we want something so bad and we can't get it.. Not just materials but everything else... someday i hope all my hopes and wishes will come true..

Stressing out..

2009-10-30T05:00:00.000-07:00

To all those who are sitting for their IGCSE exam currently.. ALL THE BEST.. how i wish i could be there finishing up the whole examination as planned achieving the many A's i wished for and expected... Getting really worried now.. What do I do??? What is in my future?? Help me oh God.. I am afraid now.. so much to do.. so little time... Holidays are coming but occupied myself with missions...

Anyway BEN, BRIAN, and SU YI .. ALL the best from the bottom of my heart... I think you guys seriously deserve it seeing how much you guys have actually work for it... I know BEN was one of the first readers of this blog so i hope you get to see this and I guess Su yi might still read it.. not sure about Brian.. and sorry for writing so late... just got the chance to write something

Life

2009-10-26T06:41:00.000-07:00

As we live our lives, we have this tendency to forget how fragile life is. Life is short and unpredictable. Who knows maybe tomorrow you may be gone without any warning. We have to treasure and live everyday like it was our last.

During a Sunday afternoon, right after the morning church service, an unfamiliar lady was sitting at the skirting of the church building. I looked at her and wondered what may have went wrong. She looked pale and weary. Anyway lady was also there to help her out and try to bring her back to the normal state. Most of them suspected that she had high blood pressure or low blood pressure. She didn't say a single word. After a while, my dad and two ladies supported her to the office. I guess i just assumed that nothing serious will happen and she will eventually be fine. However, on the next day after school, my dad told me that she had passed away. I was at a really shocked state. I couldn't imagine how unpredictable life is. One day you may be fine and ok and the next you are gone.

Anyway, my dad and I were just discussing on that topic and I was mentioning how scary it was and how that we will not know what will happen tomorrow. Then all of a sudden my dad mentioned that we should tell the ones we love how much we love them before it is too late. I was actually laughing at that statement since he always told me not to be in a relationship at this age. I guess he didn't mean love in that sense but I was just thinking about it. Is it possible to tell someone that you love him/her without actually wanting to be in a relationship since it is impossible?? anyway i would really like to tell those i love how much i love them but how could i?

Its tough. I guess actions are the only way i express my love.

BTW the lady hasn't died but she is at coma and most probably won't survive as her artery behind her head burst and i guess that means that she wouldn't survive but who knows God may change things around.

God Will Make a Way When There Seems To Be No Way

2009-10-25T01:04:00.000-07:00

Whenever we have a problem or are struggling with life, never forget that we have God on our side. Just like when we have problems we will turn to our parents and friends and they find ways to get out of the problem. Likewise, we should turn to God for help no matter how ridiculous it may sound. At times God will not answer our prayers but He will give us something even better and sometimes before we reflect back on what the Lord has done for us, we judge him and get mad when what he has done is not what we wanted but was actually better. When we pray, apart from requesting, we should take sometime to reflect back on the things the Lord has done for you. Personally, God has bless me in numerous ways that I don't realize until one day it just dawn on me.

As a young child, I always hated going to school. To me, home was the best place to be and I never wanted to leave. I was afraid of my teachers and people at school so around 9 am, i will be all ready to go to school when school only starts at 1 pm. By the way i am a very punctual person but certain factors forbid me to be so. Anyway, I always wished that school will only be three days. In our sane minds, it is almost impossible. Which school will only teach three days? However, that prayer was never fulfilled. It may sound like God disappointed me but my request was really absurd and impossible to fulfill but there is nothing to big for God and all things are possible with Him. When I was 15 and no longer wished for stupid requests, I joined a homeschooling centre and guess what, the school was only 3 days!!

(I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me Phillipians 4:13).

Truly all things are possible with God and God is eveready to bless us if only we ask. Trust in Him and have faith that he will make a way for us.

There are many out there who are struggling with their lives. Don't give up. Trust and believe and you will see the miracles. There are many more testimonies within my family and friends. Great miracles but let them be the one to tell the world of God's wonders.

The white light

2009-10-06T07:11:00.000-07:00

My dog, Mika, was a home, play dog. He has lost all his doggy instincts that is an essential part of a dog. All he could do was eat, walk and sleep. I was starting to wonder why we even have a dog that doesn't act like a dog. Anyway I guess he is just like a furry teddy bear that moves.

A few months back, I took Mika out for a midnight walk around the skirtings of our gated community home. I never liked taking him out for walks at the middle of night since i was always afraid of what happens at night. However, since no one took him out and he looked desperate, I took him out because I felt pity. As we were both walking out in the night with dim lamp posts gleaming at certain areas, I began reminiscing about the good old days and questioning my foolish actions. All of a sudden, my heart began to pulpitate. I started having this fear in my heart.

As it was getting really late and i feared the worst, I took larger paces. I could barely see the ground. As i walked faster and faster, I kicked an object that seemed like a piece of cement that chipped off the floor. The object leaped and moved about. At that moment I began to freak out but as I calmed down, i realised that it was only a toad that was staying still and resting till i hit it.

Though I wanted to rush home, Mika still had to pee. When we had to stop, I began to fluster and kept pulling his leash hoping that he would not take too long. Suddenly, during one of our stops, up above my our heads, I saw this pale white light that moved really quickly. It was like a mist. I kept tilting my head up and down hoping that it goes away but it was there moving and it was not leaving. When Mika was done, I couldn't take it any longer, I dashed home while pulling him by the leash. After that never again did I see that white light.

Today,I walked at the park by myself. I was not alone though it was already 9.30 p.m. There were a few couples walking pass me. Again as I walk, I began thinking of really sweet and nice thoughts. Then suddenly I felt that fear in my heart again. I felt like someone was trailing behind me as though it was about to harm me. When i looked around me, I couldn't see anyone. Even the couples that were strolling at the park were missing. I was so afraid but I mustered my guts and continued with my exercise and ignored that feeling that something or someone was following me. I kept praying throughout the exercise session hoping that nothing would happen to me.

All of a sudden, I saw that white light again. It was moving around the roof of the houses and this time it looked smaller than before. I told myself that I was not gonna allow myself to be afraid anymore so i kept looking for that light and trace it to the source of that light but it was moving really fast. I began to suspect that it could be the torch lights of the security guards but then again, it didnt look like flash lights and why would they be shinning it up like little children. Besides it was not prjected to the roof or anything like that. It was just a white light that looked like a fast moving cloud. The myestery continues and I hope some day I may find out what that was. Till then I am going to be brave and prayerful.

Love Believes All Things ( September 26 2009) Daily Bread

2009-09-28T05:42:00.000-07:00

It was 40 years ago or more that I observed a friend of mine showing great affection for someone I considered unworthy of love. I thought my friend was being taken in, and I was afraid he would be disillusioned and saddened in the end.

When I expressed my concern, he replied, " When I stand before my Lord, I hope He'll say of me that I've loved too many , rather than too few." I've never forgotten his words.

Paul insists that, " Love believes all things" ( 1 Cor. 13:7). Love " believes" in people. It can see the potential in them. It believes that God can take the most unattractive and unworthy individual and turn that person into a masterpiece of beauty and grace. If love errs, it must err in the way of truthfulness and hopefulness.

Certainly, we must be aware of danger when we see it coming , and become "as wise as serpents" (Matt. 10:16). Though love may be the best response to irresponsible and foolish people, but we can be too guarded, too wary and distrustful.

It doesn't o us any harm to be hoodwinked and defrauded ( Matt. 5:38-48). It's better to believe in someone and have your heart broken than to have no heart at all. British poet Alfred Tennyson wrote," 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I agree.

Lord, help us to believe in people

And all that in them You can do,

So we can say we've loved too many,

Rather than too few.

____________________________________________________________________

Love looks beyond what people are to what they can become.

I just thought that this message taken from the Daily Bread really spoke to me... and thank you for reading cause i took so long to write..

birthday..

2009-09-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

More than a week has already passed but things are just getting a little better... when i saw the gift that the Song family gave i was really happy... haha something that i needed.. and not only that the card that was written was really cool too.... and su yi the speech was really cool.. i wonder how long you took to think of what to write... hmmm it was really nice for someone to take the effort to write so mcuh... sorry but the truth is that i appreciated the card more... though the capo was what i really needed with the blings... haha and joey and quincy... the card was a real wowwer... i was really shocked ..a ll the way from US... the effort taken is really appreciated... thanks so much.. and i also realized how su kym actually got the box for the sunglasses another wowwer...

wow

2009-09-18T07:57:00.000-07:00

hmm i just realized that my header ( the pic on top of the blog) for my blog is really really emo.. haihz why is things emo... things are suppose to get better.... i should be happy.. not that i am not happy... its just that sometimes something struck me that makes me feel very upset... life goes on.. someday things would get better... God will make a way..

sleep

2009-09-13T07:07:00.000-07:00

Two days in a row my sleep has been disturbed... i could barely sleep.... on friday i slept at 4 and i had an accounts test the next day... then on saturday... again i couldnt manage to sleep.. probably only managed to sleep around 4 something... got up at 6 something and didnt know what to do so i took out my bio book and tried to revise but i keep getting distracted...

Arghh what a weekend... this is really meaningless...but it was great that my cousin celebrated his birthday today at bubba gump which led me to a cheery night.. cause the whole morning i have been sleepy and moody... haihz...

I guess when i prayed the prayer that i want to go through all the challenges in life with you God... and life has been getting a little more difficult then usual.. things are getting bad.. but i know that God has a plan and everything he does is for my own good... and i know that he is with me otherwise i would go crazy or wouldn't even be living...

p.s. listening to love songs or emo songs nowadyas are so touchy.... affects my emotions instantly as i listen to the lyrics that were so real to me...

woohoo birthday at 09/09/09

2009-09-09T06:55:00.000-07:00

wow... my birthday falls on 09/09/09 its still cool in my head though it has already been sixteen years of my bday... never get tired of the date.. well this year happens to be a more special date than before...

Though nothing much happened today apart from the greatest bday party i had.. haha no one actually celebrates.. and cool presents really appreciated it and it is not sarcastic or anything i really am cause it means a lot to me no matter how much it cost.. it was just the thought of getting me something or the the effort to remember when my birthday... and seriously i really appreciate it... it really mean lots and lots to me... it was special.. i remember the first present i got from a school friend... one not from my family... and it was from mun hong.. it was a glass swan.... and i was so surprised when i first got it... i will never forget it.. then after that i got a gift from ann, joey, khiing and quincy.... it was two necklaces wrapped in a handmade box... something i would not forget... today i got lots of stuff... i got a pair of sunglasses wrapped in a princess wrapping paper and it was really cool it was white matches my watch and suspenders ... and a princess card.. owh yah it was from ann, ghuan and kym... then i got a really cool suspenders from topman.. it had stripes... and it was from khiing, megan and wei hern... yet another really cool gift... something i wanted to buy but dare not spend since currently on tight budget... can wait to get back my money.... haha.. but its a good training to live with a little money... then i got a cool radio from gavin... it was really thoughtful of him since we were not really close and i didnt get him anything for his bday... then hans got me goody bag... lots of sweets in it... owh yah and there was also a cake from lynn's it was a brownie... btw it is also wang's bday.. he is like my little bro that i never had...

owh i forgot my intention of writing this post... so anyway birthday means more than it seems... to me birthday is an anniversary of the day someone was born.. it was a day to be glad that the person was born... it is a day to reflect back how much the person means to you... and what were the great moments and the great things the person has done... its a celbration for being born... its a day that everyone is glad that the person is born.. thats why ppl make bdays seem so special whereas i never thought it was special until i thought about it while taking mika for a walk... haha what a bday... taking my dog out for a walk... lepaking at home replying all the wall post on facebook... got one in friendster but lazy to check... wow anyway still a great day

I missed

2009-09-07T21:34:00.000-07:00

What i truly miss is your beautiful smile
The one that makes my heart fall to the ground
The one that makes me smile for days and days
That one smile made me carry on

What i longed to see once again is your cheerful laughter
The one that makes everyone else laugh
The one that seems like it was genuine but it was only a sympathy laugh
That laughter lit many lifes

What i wanted the most was to hold you in my arms and tell you that everything will be ok
The one hug that is warm and filled with love
The one hug that brings us to tears
That hug makes everyone be at the state of "awww"

What i wanted was for you ask for help when you need it
The one cry that makes me feel that i am needed somewhere
The one that i can't do much but hopes to make you the happies of all
That one cry makes me feel like i am useful

All things about you i have loved and cherish
We shared the happiest and saddest moments
Though we could never understand we we each felt
But the words that we shared made us tremendously glad

Lost a Loved one

2009-09-07T21:23:00.000-07:00

When we lose a loved one, we grieve for them and our hearts will be filled with sorrow and sadness.. but what if it was not the earthly body that was lost.. what if it was the persons personality which had been lost and had been taken over by something else??? we wont grieve or sob and cry the whole day.. all you could think about was how it was back then when everything seem so nice and peaceful... when it seems like we are at cloud 9... You will feel a feeling that makes you desire for the person to be as he/she used to be ... but some things just change and we can't stop it... sometimes changes take place for good and not for bad... but sometimes changes can be for the worst... things will not always be the way we want it to be... but we have to go on with life and find happiness...

p.s. if you think that the person i am talking about is you.. then i wish and hope that you would cheer up and have a happier life that God changes things for the best and not for the worst as what he has promised in the Bible...

Love is a feeling that no one can understand

2009-09-07T06:41:00.000-07:00

Of all feelings, love is the greatest of them all... Love is a feeling that is incomparable to any other.. How do you know when love strikes you?? how can you be sure it is love??

Apart from love, crushes and lust are a close resemblance and it may deceive you to believe that it is the desirable feeling of love... never let that fool you... it only tears your world apart and breaks your heart into pieces...

A victim of crushes and lust can be devastated by the overpowering deceitfulness that it holds but what is most important is that we pick ourselves up and recover from the damages.. Don't let the hurt and pain dwell in you that it overpowers and take over your life.. live life to the fullest and remember that life goes on.. I guess the most powerful method to surpass this torturous moments is to pray ... and believe that God knows best and whatever may come your way is for our own best..

The truth is I can't defferentiate the feeling of love, crush and lust... won't someone help me endure this... life is not as it is anymore.. things are beginning to change..

Good Friends..

2009-08-25T06:55:00.000-07:00

Having a few really good friends is much better than having many friends who are not trust able, reliable, or caring. Everyone needs a friend. A friend that will be there for you at your ups and downs. Someone who would do anything to make you the happiest person on the face of this earth.

As i was watching "Full House" with my sis ( i don't know why i do that), Danny Tanner's best friend Joey, the comedian, it reminded me of Joey Lee. He was more than a friend he was like an older brother who I can look to for comfort. Not forgetting Quincy. The Lee brothers made an impact in my life. When i gave up in believing in friends and trusted more in my family, I met Joey and Quincy. The memories we all had together with the rest ( Ann, Poh Hian, Khiing, Ghuan, Kym (a new addition) and everyone else). All the memories are great and I hope i never forget them. I hope that we can still be great friends even after the 2 years of separation. I hope things won't change between us.

Friends are great companions. You will never regret in making best friends. Look at Khiing and Poh Hian, They were even able to write about their great adventures together and cherish the moments. Everyone deserves a friend no one deserves to be alone. Just because someone may be different from us that doesn't mean that we will never enjoy each others company. Everyone can be a good friend. Never leave someone as an outcast. Make a person happier by just being their friend just like how the Lee brothers has done to me. Not forgetting my other friends. Gabriel Chan and Mun Hong, both of you kinda influenced me to be a better person. Not that i have forgotten the others just that there are too much to write.

Day Out to Shogun...

2009-08-24T03:49:00.000-07:00

The usual morning noise began to enter my room... i realized that it was already 9 as that is the time when my dads car engine would rumble... since it was a holiday, i ignored the sound and went back to my sleep with cindy... then when i was tired of sleeping...i got out of bed and checked my phone... to my surprise, it was already 11.45... i ahve never gotten up that late before... so i quickly went to bathe as i was not fully clothed and my policy to change to fresh clothes is to bathe first... as i bathe, there was a loud knock on my door... Who is that??? If you know i am bathing why did you have to knock the door??? it turned out to be my mom with great news... she says that we are going to shogun... woo hoo... when i went down she told me another good news relating to her floral arrangement business... so i thought to myself.. maybe that is why she thought of treating me and my sis to lunch.. haha ( not that she doesn't do it .. she does but lately it became rare..) hmm as we got there the variety of food were laid all over the place... they all look so good that i felt that i was really full after the first round... though all i ate was shashimi and oysters... yum yum... anyway the food were all good then when i spotted the fried section, i saw tempura... and i thought how nice it would be if poh hian could be here to taste tempura... something she hasnt tried... and i said to myself that once i earned my money from shares and she is back at malaysia.. i would take her out for tempura... haha hmm... i ate so little yet i was so full.. i lost the abillity to fill up my stomach to the fullest capacity... but anyway it was a great day... and i bet i reached my cost...

I cried.. big boy turns out to be young at heart

2009-08-24T02:44:00.000-07:00

Some may quote the statement "crying maketh a man". Some maybe even live by it.. who created it?? ME.. why?? cause I thought that it was true and i thought that i could live by it... but I couldn't... I guess i am not the man i thought i am or could be... the shame packaged with the tears was a heavy baggage on my eyes...but when i was walking back up to the centre after waving poh hian good bye and receiveing a message from my bro that he would be late, i started to feel my heart trembling... i quickly ran into the lift pressed number 3 and hoped that it would reach quickly cause tears began to roll down my face and khiing was beside me... i couldn't bear to look at khiing's face after seeing me cry.. as we reached the 3rd floor, i quickly pressed the code and went in... i chucked my bag and photos that the lee brothers gave aside and ran to the closet... i saw the mattresses all scatered around but since i had to let my tears out quickly, i just throw myself on the mattresses without locking the door or pulling socks off... and there i laid crying till it was dark... khiing came in when i was kinda hoping that he didnt but he still did and it kinda comforted me still.. so i guess it wasnt such a bad thing after all... but this only means that someone realized i cried..

when everything was settled and i was able to joke around... and speak to ppl... i began to feel great all over again... i thought all my tears have gone away and i am strong to go on with life again... the next day, sunday, after breakfast, everyone was just lazing around at home waiting for the right time to leave the home to head to church.... i was jsut sitting on the chair lazily and just waiting.. everyone was silent... i closed my eyes for a moment... and my heart began to pulpitate in a weird manner.... something i couldnt understand... then as i closed my eyes tighter, tears a drop of tear rolled down my eye.. i was confused and didnt know what to do, everyone else was just near by... i couldnt bear the questions that my family members would ask when i started crying... i quickly ran up to my room stealthtily without even wiping of my tears... i jumped to my bed and started hugging cindy.... i didnt want to let go... and there i laid on my bed crying ... little noises started coming out of my mouth... i tried my best to close my mouth so that no one may hear me... i jsut laid there and cry for at least 5-10 minutes... no one told me that we are leaving for church already until i heard the engine of my dads car... i quickly went to the bathroom to wash my face and wipe my tears off so that no one would suspect anything...

In the car everything was fine... but my heart still trembled a little... i was kinda stoning and the whole car was so silent no one said anything... until my bro asked me to listen to the song better days from goo goo dolls and asked me to learn up the song... as i heard the music... my heart began to beat even harder... and to make things worse, my bro put his hands on my shoulders for no reason... then tears began to fall... i was so clueless to why and what i should do... i quickly passed the earphones back and turned my head to the window hoping that no one would be able to see my face... then tears began to fall... i didnt want to wipe it cause i thought if i did then it would look more obvious... so i just stared out the window... then when there were just too much tears... i took my hand and covered my eye like how a bird watcher does when it is a bright day...
through out the journey i was trying to stop the tears from falling but i couldnt... i tlited my head back hoping that the tears would contain in my eyes... but then again it couldnt... however as we reacehd the church it finally stopped... i quickly wiped the tears off when no one is looking and head towards the sanctuary... then i realized that i left my phone in the car and was expecting poh hian to reply my message... so i asked my dad for the key and went to take my phone.. and it was before service started... so everything was fine and ok.. until the musicians went up the stage... and started worshiping God.. i did the same and sang songs of worhip and praise... but some of the songs really touched my heart and again i was there standing up crying like a big baby... but in a way it was not as bad as everyone else were also worshiping God and wouldnt turn their eyes to me... i wiped out my tears and tried to sing though it was hard... as my voice couldn't come out... but it was a good thing that after the praise and worship session my tears finally stopped flowing...

it was the craziest day... after church i went to kl to have lunch... and after that me and my family walked to pavilion.. there i reminisced about the time when poh hian was still around... the day before she had to go back to singapore... the unforgetable day... the day that changed most things.... hmm well everything turned out ok finally.. managed to get through the day... and managed to keep contact with poh hian all the way till she reached singapore... and when i got back again i had the chance to communicate with her on msn... so it was a cool day after all

old times..

2009-08-13T08:06:00.000-07:00

the wonders of treddy bears...

2009-07-31T21:55:00.000-07:00

Have your parents ever given you a teddy bear?? or perhaps a close friend or a relative?? Teddy bears are not just cotton stuffed cloths... there is more to a teddy bear... it can be a companion in times of sadness and happiness.. sometimes when you are lonely you can just take out your teddy and hug it... haha.... ppl can reject you and put you aside but a teddy is something that will never put you aside.... you are in control of it.... it has to hug you no matter how stinky you are....

However, when a person depends too much on a teddy and forget that there is God who truely cares and looks after you and has always been there, then there is a big problem... you will forget who God is... and apart from that you will not bother to socialize with your family or friends as you are thinking that they are of no help... this kinds of feelings are really dangerous... surely loving a person and god is more than a million times better than loving a teddy.. though a teddy will never reject you.. it also doesnt respond to your feelings but living things would..

but a teddy is still a great gift.. it helps the the person remember the giver much much better.. as everytime you look a the teddy.. you will start to reminisce about the great moments you had with the giver...

( dont know what i am writing about anymore)
hehe

Green eyed monsters...

2009-07-31T21:30:00.000-07:00

How did this figure of speech( i dunno what you call this statements.. need help) ?? Well why green?? Most of us already know what this green eyed monster is all about so lets not talk about how it came about... it just is....

All of us at one point of our life would have felt jealousy of all kinds... some envy others treasure, sometimes ppl envy the feeling that someone has for others... however the main cause of jealousy is the lust of having what others have that you dont have... it could be anything at all.. materials to feelings... tangibles to intangibles... well it in inevitable to have this feelings sometimes.. it is only human nature... but this can be a very dangerous feeling if we do not control it...

sometimes when we feel jealousy... all thats in our mind is about how pitiful you are lacking all that someone else have...and thoughts of how worthless and useless you are.. but even at this conditions.. we still have our conscience and we have to set priority for our conscience to take lead and not let our emotions overpower our thoughts as someone is capable of commiting suicide when he is at a state of depression due to jealousy.... not all of us will be the best at everything but each and everyone of us has something that is special... when we feel jealous comparing ourself with others?? we have to also look at ourself and boost our confidence... not that comaparing is good... but we just have to realize that there are things that you have that he/she doesnt have... so there is nothing to worry about.... god is filled with just...

and one pointer to everyone else.. if you realize that your friend is feeling jealous dont make it harder for the person by telling him what he already knows.... to all those who may have been reading this i know hwo it feels like to feel jealous but we all have to go through it and overcome it.. we are all special... and never resort to something really stupid or doing something that would hurt others or things which you would regret doing..

Also when you are in a relationship with someone and you find the person spending more time with someone else... dont conclude that the person doesnt love you anymore ( not that i know) but approach the person and see what the person has to say... it will amaze you sometimes and make your thoughts more relieved and clear... so when there is something mischievious that is happening.. get to the bottom the story before you do something that you would most probably would regret and unable to fix it... ( inspiration from english class... points based on colin, flora and angus)

i kissed.... oops kicked

2009-07-15T08:40:00.000-07:00

A few day ago, wait i mean um two days ago, i had a sore throat... i hate sore throats.. but anyway.. as i had this sore throat, i felt really tired.. i slept almost the whole day... when i got up.. i heard the sounds of the engines rumbling.. my parents were back.. my mom was on the phone when i had to speak to her.. i followed her continuously hoping to grab her attention but she was on the phone... later on i went to the door again.. and poof... it was my dad.. i asked him to touch my forehead to examine for fever... however his hands and forehead were so cold due to the exposure of the aircond... later he checked again and said that i had a fever... later on i asked my mom to check to make sure.. and she said that i had a slight fever too.. but i thought that i didnt have anything..

continue reading till i get to the kicking part...

So anyway.. dad took me to the clinic.. i had to register since i havent been to the clinic... i have been staying in kota kemuning for more than 3 years and i never once went to clinic.. i thank god for good health... As it was my turn to see the doctor.. she just stared at me without giving me any indication on what i had to do.. she didnt even ask what are the problems i had... so i just told her anyway... i said i had a sore throat but not sure about fever... she took a temperature check for fever.. and the results were negative.. halleujah... then she checked my lungs for any problems with the statoscope ... and again the results came out negative... ha halelujah.. then she checked my throat for any problem with a torch light.. and according to her i had a infectious throat... she told me not to take anything cold or citrus... but as i recall.. my bro said take vitamin c which is basically anything citrus... and during the day i ate kiwis and sour sweets cause i thought it helps.. haha

the bill came out to rm 30 which was quite cheap.. and as usual they gave antibiotics.. she also prescribed some lozenges and something for fever.. the worst thing with this sore throat is that i had to drink so much water that i kept going to the toilet to pee. today i drank about 4 littres of water... the other bad thing is taht when i had this.. my mom bought bakwa (mmm yummy) and then today they bought durian.. i mean how much more worse can this get.. my favourite food comes when i have a sore throat... and i had three ulcers on my mouth too... that made it hard to eat...

what a cry baby.. but i just felt like writing... haaha...

anyway here i come to the story of kicking... when we got back from durian shopping, i unloaded the durians and put it on the floor... the next time i went near it, i kicked with my right huge toe... it suddenlyt start to bleed although it didnt hurt much but i was surprise that it could actually bleed since my skin is quite thick.. haha.. i just wasted 5 minutes of your time... mwahaha

Embarassing moment..

2009-07-05T06:32:00.000-07:00

Agent D was a hardworking, intellectual, smart, strong, charming , and also good looking man. When a task is assigned to him, he would perform it diligently. He has been doing this job since he was born and no one is as good a him as he has more experience and knowledge then anyone else.

On a dark gloomy sunday evening, the skies were getting dark and the winds were blowing through my face while making swooshing sounds. I was assigned a really serious duty by General K. At first I thought that it will be an easy task so I decided not to bring any of my gadgets or money but as soon as i knew what my duty was, I started panicking and sweating for the first time. I was filled with anxiety and fear. I was afarid that I may never come back alive to see my family and friends again. I was on the verge of giving up but how could I. I was the number 1 agent in the world so I had to do it to make my family and friends proud that I am able to retain my title for a long time. This would be my 1000th misssion and I would get the award for most mission done in a year if i do this.

As a soldier I had to be honest so I told General K that I may need some gadgets to succeed in the toughest mission in my life. "Dad can I have some money to get the stuff," yup General K happens to be my dad. " Is rm10 sufficent?" said General K. "Yup that would be more than enough. So off I went to perform my duty with the rm 10.

I crossed the road and went to the sundry shop. I was looking for the things that my dad ask to buy to fulfill my mission. The two things that I had to buy was a long loaf of white bread and another loaf of wholemeal bread. So as i was searching for the bread, i could only find the white one, the wholemeal bread was nowhere to be found. So i contacted General K to inform him that there were no more wholemeal bread and suggested to buy another type instead. However, I could not contact him. His mobile phone happened to be offed at that time. So i decided to survey other shops for the bread. So off i went, unaware that i had the white bread in my hand. I walked a kilometre just to realize that i havent paid for the bread. The shopkeeper also didnt take any action to stop me. So as a gentleman i went back to the shop to pay for the bread. The shopkeeper quickly shouted "rm2.50" while laughing as i entered the shop. She said she was observing me and realized that i was on the phone till i didnt realize i forgot to pay. It was so embarassing.

Yes I have revealed my true mission. It was to buy the bread. Later on, with the brread on my hand I head to General K to inform him that there were no more wholemeal bread and that I would search elsewhere to fulfill my mission but before i could fulfill this mission, i was assigned another mission and this time i had to buy 100 plus so i took a longer route to the other shops because i wanted to avoid the shopkeeper that sold me the white bread. How could i face her again?? So i did what i had to and then end.

Mwahaha i wasted 5 minutes of your time.. but this story is partially true... it was really embarassing to leave a shop without paying.. and as you know how i look like.. people may have thought that i was a robber.. haha

Children nowadays

2009-07-05T05:49:00.000-07:00

Have you ever spoken to a primary school kid.. try speaking to them and discover their mind... It is really different from the way we teens and adults think.. their minds are very different from ours when we were their age..

Children nowadays are learning things like slapping asses and sex and vulgar language so much earlier compared to our times... they are starting to corrupt their mind with such things at a very young age.. the question is where do they learn this from?? Have parents been less careful.. or have they been influenced by their older siblings or have the children of today just lost their innocence.. why at such young age?? when i was their age slapping butts are off limits.. nowadays they slap asses that belong to the same sex and also the opposite sex.. now is just slapping asses... what about next?? we as the youth of _______ ( fill in the blanks) should play our part and be a good example.. we have to make them realize that what they do is not funny or cute and it is really wrong.. what happen to taboos?? why aren't there anymore taboos??

Apart from all these.. children have also become more violent.. look at the victims of this violent children... not mentioning names... how can your younger siblings hit you... and just because you all are older it doesnt mean you have to always give in to them because this may be a habit... and eventually become worse and worse... i know of 3 boys who are quite violent.. as soon as they see me they will come running to me just to hit me... how could this happen?? partly it was my fault cause i was not firm enough when i tell them to stop.. however i am taking small steps to be strict and fierce otherwise they may take advantage of my kindness.. but sometimes when we are strict .. they will start becoming afraid of you and avoid you.. how do we solve a matter such as this??

I guess we as mature people shoul speak to them in a nice manner and show them that the things they do are wrong .. and when a few kids realize this... they will instantly influence their friends and also turn them to be better children.. it is not an easy task as children nowadays are rebelious... we have to do something... we also have to start praying together... and speak to the children about God and teach them to fear God... haihz this is a serious matter and i am asking all those who have younger siblings to do something....

MEN vs WOMEN

2009-07-04T09:03:00.000-07:00

So what is the differences between male and female... Certainly they are physically different.. men like me have hair growing everywhere.. whereas women do not grow as much... except for some exceptional cases... they have bigger bumpers front and back.. and like Mr.Tan said.. they also have asses which are curvaceous unlike men.. and also men have stick and balls whereas women dont have... women have pms and men just have a different form of pms and i would like to call it "wet dream"

But there are some characteristics which people find that women have that men don't.. for example, most people say female drivers are aggressive... but can we generalize the statement?? not all women are aggressive but so far most women i know drives aggressively... but we can' t conclude it.. some women can actually drive safely and calmly... so this depends more on individuals..

Wait why i am i talking about this crap.. its not like i know how women are.. they are a mystery that is tough to unveil... revealing the secrets of women is like earning a pot of gold at the other side of the rainbow..

haaha just random stuff dont know what to write about..

owh speaking about men vs women... men won the maths quiz although we shoud have done better..

the crowds went wild.... everyone was screaming their lungs out... or at least i was... we were trying to help our team mates do the best and earn the points( however i caused the team to lose one point because of agreeing to wrong answers)... but everyone were scrreaming and shouting ( again i think that was only me) giving wrong answers and right answers which led the representative to be flustered and lost in confusion... especially for SY... she was so confused when all the while she knew the answer...

what a day i must say.. it led me to exhaustion.. i felt so emo after that.. it was like all my hyperness was used up... however it was the best class for the whole day since it was so boring the whole day and everyone was sleepy....

p.s. i am high

What's the difference between girls and guys??

2009-07-01T07:06:00.000-07:00

Apart from the physical part.. what is the difference between man and woman , male and female?? What distinguishes us?? are our characters the same?? are the way we react the same?? are the way we treat others the same?? or are all these depend on individuals??

Please leave a comment.. will continue writing when i get more inspiration

Nephew and Niece

2009-06-28T08:39:00.001-07:00

Newborn niece... The first time my mom carried her, she was ok.. but as soon as my mom faced her, she started crying.. haha.. but eventually she stopped crying.. some people said it was not because of my mother and it was actually because she was in a new surrounding.. haha but anyhow.. my parents are finally grand uncles and aunties.. this shows that they are growing.

This is Justin. He picks up lots of things from me. He learn some of my poses and he is really cute.

This is one of the pose

Grandmas

2009-06-28T07:48:00.000-07:00

Many of us still have our grandparents living. I still have my both grandmas but I have never known my grandpas. Having grandmas is really something special. I have seen really few people who are actually close to their grandparents. Grandparents won't live for a very long time. While you still have the chance, get to know your grandparents. Without them you won't be who you are. They have lots of experience and knowledge which they would like to share. Sometimes they are just waiting for us to ask
them.

I haven't got the chance to know my grandma though I lived with her for more 10 years. We had a communication problem. She spoke chinese (almost every dialect) and I could only speak english and bm. I had many problems with her as I was growing up with her. She always asked me for help. I didn't mind helping as she was already wheel bounded. However, sometimes I get really stressed out while helping her and again it was because of our language barrier.

When I come home from school I would immediately take a nap. Sometimes before i even bathe. I would feel really tired and would just like to sleep through the afternoon. However, sometimes my grandma would delibrately wake me up from my beautiful sleep to help her do some stuff. There was once when her radio broke down and she woke me up from my sleep to wake my brother up to ask him to fix it ( she thought that I was not capable). My brother refused to wake up and told me to do it. As I went back down to take a look at the radio, she kept on insisting that my brother should be the one to fix it. I got so angry as I was there trying to help both parties but none were cooperating. my bro didn't want to get up and my grandma didn't want me to fix it. The worst thing was that i couldn't explain to her why I was the one who would be helping her.

Though there were many horrible times, I thank God that I managed to do some stuff for her. And I still remember the good things that she has done. When I was young she used to give me biscuits and sweets even though I didn't want any.Now that she is old and senile, she couldn't remember who I was. It is quite sad at times but it doesn't matter much. It was mostly my fault too as i didn't go the extra mile to visit her at the nursing home every week which my father did.

To all those out there with grandparents, don't ever neglect your grandparents. Cherish every moment you have together and spend time with one another. Never let them forget who you are.

My dad made her pose for the camera with the peace sign.. haha.. she was sporting enough to do it.. though maybe she was unaware.. haha.. there was another racy pose though but pictures were not taken... haha

p.s. my eyes are so small..

Life is like a cycle. As we grow old, we become young again. As I was introducing myself to my grandma (hoping that she would remember me), she asked me for candies. So my dad took out some sweets from his pocket and fed her.. haha

Disgusting...

2009-06-27T06:09:00.000-07:00

Have you had an encounter with the most disgusting person... ( whoever is reading the blog.. i am not talking about you)... well i pity them.. everything they do will be criticized... even when they do a really nice thing it turns out to be disgusting... this is all part of psychology.... he is not that disgusting... it's just that people's first impression of him is disgusting and so whatever he does has to be disgusting...

Once there lived a boy with knowledge, charisma, loyalty, good character and charming. One day, he was talking to a friend in a private room. The surrounding of the room was all dark with only the sound of the fan which was creating gusts of wind( trying to make the story sound fancy). The room also had a really pungent smell of stale food. Though it was not a really nice and fancy place to have a chat, it was the only place where he could express his feelings.

The boy( not mentioning names) was feeling a little disturbed at that moment and just felt like speaking to a friend who was always busy. He was always busy cause everyone else wanted his attention. He was tall and handsome ( according to a very special person in his life). So the boy was lucky enough to grab a few minutes of his time. So as the boy was sitting on the table while talking, he was quite unconscious of what his hands were doing. The thing that he did was beyond your wildest dreams. It was the most revolting thing anyone has done. He was plucking his........ "leg hair". It was long and curly at the same time. He didn't just pluck one but several.

As class was about to start, he left the room without clearing up the mess he made. Dark, curly leg hair were lying all over the table. What he did was despicable. He made a really big mistake that could leave other people in a state of trauma. So class begin and everything was fine. No one went into the private room.

After class, it was lunch time. Everyone took their lunches and set it on the table at the private room which was normally used for lunch. As a few girls laid their food on the table, a girl started screaming, "Ewww what is that!!!". However, they never moved an inch from their seat or cleared the table. Later on, the boy came in with his lunch and the remote control for the fan. As he sat down comfortably, he switched on the fan and started devouring on his tasty meal. Then a girl, J, approached him and told him about the hair on the table. She criticize about the person who plucked his hair and left it on the table without realizing that the hair belong to the boy. He burst into laughter as he knew that she was talking about the hair that he left on the table. As he confessed that it was his, everyone else laughed along. They continued talking about the matter that some people left the room. J later on said"disgusting boy, your hands are so dirty".

Because of this one event everyone thought that he was really disgusting. There was another moment when he was in the lift with a few others. He started sucking in air loudly and they thought he burped. There was also a girl who started screaming but not moving away, saying that she just washed her hair. Others jsut left the lift. He was not allowed to eat cake with his hands too. He had to use a fork. Who in the whole malaysia uses forks to eat cakes??

However, the boy eventually turn out to be a charming boy. He grew up to be mature and a gentleman. He was no longer disgusting and people forgot the disgusting event that took place.

THE END.

p.s certain parts were made up because of uncertainty. Any further information will be accepted. To all the girls out there, guys are not that disgusting.

"The Forbidden Blog" which should not have been made...

2009-06-27T05:45:00.000-07:00

What so fun about blogging??? It's like a public diary which you allow everyone in the world to read... in order to create this blog i had to go against everything i believed in... what happened to the Darren i once knew...

why i formed this blog??
1. to recall what i have done everyday
2. to improve my english
3. to let people know who i am and what i am like
4. to criticize those who criticize me
5. to show my future children how great my life is
6. to reflect back on the wrong things and good things i have done for the day
7. to appreciate what God has give me
8. to be adventurous (going against what i believed in)
9. to show the world that i have a blog
10. everyone else have one

p.s. most of these reasons are just crap.. haha